As most parents know only too well, talking to a teen is rarely easy. It’s easy to feel discouraged when your attempts to communicate are greeted by a sullen roll of the eyes, an incoherent grunt, or the slamming of a door. Or you may despair at the relentless anger or indifference your teen displays towards you. But finding a way to talk to your child about alcohol is crucial—whether you’re trying to prevent them from drinking in the first place or curb any existing alcohol use.
The earlier your child uses alcohol, the more problems they’re likely to experience later in life, so it’s never too early to start the conversation. The following strategies can help you open the lines of communication with an adolescent without sparking more conflict:
Choose the right time. Trying to talk to a teen about drinking when they’re watching their favorite show, texting with their friends, or in the midst of a heated argument with you about something else isn’t going to be productive. Choose a time when your teen hasn’t been drinking and you’re both calm and focused—and turn off your phone to avoid distractions.
Find common ground. Attempting to dive straight in to a discussion about drinking may be a quick way to trigger an unpleasant fight. A better tactic is to find an area of common ground, such as sports or movies. Once you’re able to peacefully discuss a common interest, it may be easier to get your teen talking about the more sensitive issue of alcohol use.
Make it a conversation rather than a lecture. Allow your teen to talk and open up about their thoughts and opinions, and try to listen without being critical, disapproving, or judgmental. They want to feel heard and understood, so even when you don’t like or agree with what they’re saying, it’s important to withhold blame and criticism.
Discuss reasons not to drink. Teenagers often feel invincible—that nothing bad will ever happen to them—so preaching about the long-term health dangers of underage drinking may fail to discourage them from using alcohol. Instead, talk to your teen about the effects drinking can have on their appearance—bad breath, bad skin, and weight gain from all the empty calories and carbs. You can also talk about how drinking makes people do embarrassing things, like peeing themselves or throwing up.
Emphasize the message about drinking and driving. If your teen goes to a party and chooses to have a drink, it’s a mistake that can be rectified. If they drink and then drive or get into a vehicle driven by someone else who’s been drinking, that mistake could be a fatal one—for them or someone else. Ensure they always have an alternative means of getting home, whether that’s a taxi, a ride share service, or calling you to pick them up.
Keep the conversation going. Talking to your teen about drinking is not a single task to tick off your to-do list, but rather an ongoing discussion. Things can change quickly in a teenager’s life, so keep making the time to talk about what’s going on with them, keep asking questions, and keep setting a good example for responsible alcohol use.