Supporting a teen in active addiction can be a whirlwind of emotions.

One moment you might have high hopes and feel like your teen is on the straight and narrow.  The next moment, you might be concerned that your teen is out using again, and you’re fearing for their safety.

Regardless of what situation you find yourself in today, here are 5 tips on supporting your teen in any state of addiction or recovery. 

1. First and foremost, get yourself some support.

In order to help your teen, you’ll need to be stronger than ever. 

1. 1. Get a therapist
   2. Join a support group
   3. Have a trusted confidante to talk to 
   4. Take time for yourself

Some parents have a deep-rooted sense of shame when it comes to talking about their teen’s addiction problems – as if you failed as a parent and that’s why this is happening. Do not take the blame for their choices – you have not failed as a parent. The sheer fact you’re reading this article shows that you want the best for your teen and are looking for support to get it. We got this!

 

2. Avoid enabling 

Many parents have the best intentions and want to help their teens out of care and concern. 

Enabling a teen could include giving them cash, lying for them, covering up their mistakes, not being honest about their behavior to their/your support group, fulfilling their responsibilities, and more. 

Unfortunately, enabling teens can lengthen the time they struggle with addiction. The reality is – teens need to face their own consequences. This can be difficult to allow since the consequences of drug or alcohol addiction can be deadly. However, teens (or anyone for that matter) cannot be controlled. Resist rescuing them from their consequences – for they may be the moment that finally makes it “click” and be a turning point for recovery.

3. Listen and show respect, even when it’s hard

This can be one of the most challenging pieces of advice to follow. When our emotions are high and we are deeply concerned with our teens well being, it’s easy to engage in irrational communication and disrespect.

What your teen likely needs right now is to be treated like a human, despite their possible track record of misbehaving. If you can talk calmly, this does two things.

1. It shows your teen you are strong and won’t be manipulated. Having a stark reaction can easily be seen as a sign of weakness. 
2. You did your best, and you won’t have another thing to feel guilty about. They won’t be able to use your intense reaction as an “excuse” for what they decide to do next.

Remember, you can always come back to a conversation if you’re feeling overly emotional. Set a time to come back to the conversation when you have a clear head. 

4. Set clear boundaries

Remember what we suggested about avoiding enabling? This is where boundaries come in – if utilized correctly, they can help you to avoid enabling and also protect you and your teen. 

“Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect.” ~ Anonymous.

Make two lists. One for yourself, and one for your family unit. Remember that boundaries should come from a healthy place and based in self-care and respect your values. 

The one for yourself could include items such as:

• I will not lie or cover for anyone in any way. (value: honesty)
• I will not give you any more cash (value: self-reliance)
• I will insult or demean (value: respectful)
• I will contact my support system when I’m concerned about my struggling teen, instead of internalizing it and taking the guilt for it (value: acceptance, sincerity)

Boundaries for your family unit may look like:

• Drugs or alcohol are not allowed in our home
• People on drugs or alcohol will are not allowed in our home
• People who are sent to jail or under other consequences due to drug charges will not be bailed out

Take some time to write out your boundaries. For the family unit boundaries, discuss them with the other adults in the home and come up with mutual boundaries for the benefit of all. Keep in mind, consistency is key and the boundaries you set will apply to everyone in the house. Encourage your teen to come up with their own boundaries as they work into recovery.

Encourage positive behaviors 

It’s human nature to focus on what’s wrong. Try shifting your focus on what is right – it may help your teen to get a boost of confidence. Have you noticed improved respect from your teen? Tell her. Has your teen been on time for dinner after a period of no shows? Thank him. Has your teen spent time with you without arguing or ulterior motives? Tell her you enjoyed her company. 

 

We hope these tips help you during this challenging time. In review, the 5 tips are:

1. First and foremost, get yourself some support.
2. Avoid enabling 
3. Listen and show respect, even when it’s hard
4. Set clear boundaries
5. Encourage positive behaviors